I Haz Issues

I'm not an "in charge" kind of person. I like being told what to do. I don't deal well with authority figures, and I second guess myself a lot when it comes to reporting to people above me.

Surprising, I know.

I think it stems from my inability to be serious about anything. Ever. Authority figures seem to take my sarcastic tone in a bad way. Why on earth would they do that?

I digress.

I was put in charge of a decision making process that no one else seemed to want to take charge of. Should I be flattered by that? No, I'm not. So I took charge. I did the best I could. At least with what information I had been, or hadn't been given, as the case may be.

I have since found out that my decision wasn't the best one, or at least not the way others had imagined it should be. Although even though they had all the information, they didn't or wouldn't take it upon themselves to make the decision.

Does this make any sense at all? Clear as mud, right? Right-O then.

I wish I could just come right out and say what I mean, but for once I'm not an open book. I just get so frustrated.

People, if you want help from others, be specific! Don't assume they can read your mind. It is just too frustrating for all parties involved.

End of issues. For now.

No One Always Or Never Does Anything

Last night was a big deal around here.

In our married life we've often done things we swore we'd never do. Owned a minivan, dressed our kids in cartoon character clothes, gone to bed angry, and other things along those same lines.

We also said we would never, ever take our kids back to Chuck-E-Cheese. We took Emma once when she was like 2, and it was a miserable experience.

But last night we wanted to do something special for Maggie, to celebrate her graduating from Speech. She sees the CEC commercials, and begs us to take her. We always refuse. So Sugar Daddy gets this idea that we surprise her with a trip to CEC to celebrate.

We did it.

We went to Chuck-E-Cheese with all 3 kids.

It wasn't as bad as I remembered. We arrived just before 5, and it was practically empty. By the time we left at 7, it was getting packed, and more and more obnoxious. I think the timing was perfect, because I couldn't have lasted much longer in the chaos.

We came home with 3 toys purchased with our 400 tickets, and 3 very happy exhausted kids.

But I swear, I'll never do that again.

Roses On Your Piano

Did I give birth recently?

I don't recall.

But I must have, because Sugar Daddy came home with these beauties.


Only the second time in our entire marriage that I have gotten flowers without needing a C-Section first.

The other time was when we were fighting pretty good.

This time, no reason.

I'm suspicious.


*also, see here for the latest article.

Motivation

I've had a good couple of days. Actually, it's been about a week and things are still good. But I can feel a change. I can feel the mood sinking. I'm fighting it with everything I've got. I think it will pass, so I have to stay motivated and just work through it.

I think a lot of my mood change is coming from comparisons. I've started comparing my life with the way I perceive the lives of the women around me. I've begun to feel very inadequate. Suddenly I'm doubting my parenting skills, my craftiness, my humor, my home, my car, my clothes, my appearance in general, and whatever else I can find to compare. And I keep coming out on the losing end of it.

Comparisons by nature are not a bad thing. But when it comes to comparing one's self with what is perceived to be another person's self, there is no winning. We always put our best face forward, and hope to win out on the comparisons.

Normally I don't really care about what other people think about me. I really don't. I got past that insecurity long ago, and about 30 pounds ago. I also use my humor to mask any insecurities I may feel. It might not be the healthiest option, but I'm not really known for my healthy choices, now am I? The last few days have really brought out some underlying fears I have of being left behind. I have started feeling like I'm not keeping up with those around me. I don't mean materially, I'm getting over that, I mean humanly. I don't do a lot of what the people around me are doing. I don't see what I'm doing as wrong, or what they're doing as wrong, but I feel out of sync.

I think what I need is a good old fashioned dose of "keep it up, girl". I feel like my family is doing well, my kids are happy and well adjusted, and we have a good schedule going. I try to keep it as low stress at home as possible, and the kids respond well to that.

Then I see some people that give their kids the newest toys, go to the newest restaurants, see the newest movies, and I start to feel lacking. I start to feel that I have to do those things in order to make my family and myself happy.

I know in my heart of hearts that we're happy just as we are. But still the motivation to keep it up is deeply buried, and it's hard to see through the mumbo jumbo of every day life. I think I just need to see my kids thrive in a simple environment, and then I'll feel better. I'll give it a day, and hopefully that will help me feel motivated to keep it up.

Send out the P.I.'s

Have you missed me? Be honest. You have, haven't you. Haven't you? Well, even if you haven't, I've missed you. Oh blogdom, do not a hater be. Please take some pity on my poor, slacker soul. You see, I've been so very busy. You will never understand the "ness" to which I've been busy. In the last 96 hours, I've played host to 8 guests, at 2 separate intervals. You don't understand the amount of time, and laundry detergent, that has been spent folding towels and sheets, and rugs, oh my!

Here is just a taste of what kind of things I've been up to recently.

Lugging around 6 kids. To dance, to the drug store, and to McDonalds. Where else could 6 kids be entertained simultaneously? In the picture are only 5, but you can't see the one sharing the cockpit of the vangina avec moi.





And here are their dear, dear parents. Parents for whom I have an immense respect, not only for traveling so far to attend the temple like dedicated Latter-Day Saints, but because I now understand the time and patience it takes to rassle 4 kids. I may have provided the cheeseburgers, and even though I skimped on the drinkage, there was nary a complaint. Good, good kids.

So dear blogdom, now you have my plea of not guilty by reason of insanity. Don't they call it by reason of mental disease or defect now? Probably, but either way, it fits. Do not fear, I will return. And I will return with a promise of more interesting posts, and pictures of various projects and children. So for now, dear blogdom, I bid you adieu.

Head, Shoulders, Nie's and Toes

Today is NieNie Day. Poor NieNie. Many of you have heard about her story. If you haven't, you can click here. I don't know her personally, as is the case with most of the world, but I feel like I do, and I love her all the same.

There are several auctions going on around the web in her honor, but most of the goody goods can be found over at Design Mom, so head over there and let the bidding begin.

So I know you're wondering what I'll be auctioning off on her behalf.

A new car!

Do I have your attention now?

Let's be honest. I could auction off some piece of crap home made business that will probably fall apart in 2 days time, or I could just support all those that actually have talent and could use the exposure. So just head to DM and do your thang.