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    Wednesday, April 08, 2009


    I've had a good couple of days. Actually, it's been about a week and things are still good. But I can feel a change. I can feel the mood sinking. I'm fighting it with everything I've got. I think it will pass, so I have to stay motivated and just work through it.

    I think a lot of my mood change is coming from comparisons. I've started comparing my life with the way I perceive the lives of the women around me. I've begun to feel very inadequate. Suddenly I'm doubting my parenting skills, my craftiness, my humor, my home, my car, my clothes, my appearance in general, and whatever else I can find to compare. And I keep coming out on the losing end of it.

    Comparisons by nature are not a bad thing. But when it comes to comparing one's self with what is perceived to be another person's self, there is no winning. We always put our best face forward, and hope to win out on the comparisons.

    Normally I don't really care about what other people think about me. I really don't. I got past that insecurity long ago, and about 30 pounds ago. I also use my humor to mask any insecurities I may feel. It might not be the healthiest option, but I'm not really known for my healthy choices, now am I? The last few days have really brought out some underlying fears I have of being left behind. I have started feeling like I'm not keeping up with those around me. I don't mean materially, I'm getting over that, I mean humanly. I don't do a lot of what the people around me are doing. I don't see what I'm doing as wrong, or what they're doing as wrong, but I feel out of sync.

    I think what I need is a good old fashioned dose of "keep it up, girl". I feel like my family is doing well, my kids are happy and well adjusted, and we have a good schedule going. I try to keep it as low stress at home as possible, and the kids respond well to that.

    Then I see some people that give their kids the newest toys, go to the newest restaurants, see the newest movies, and I start to feel lacking. I start to feel that I have to do those things in order to make my family and myself happy.

    I know in my heart of hearts that we're happy just as we are. But still the motivation to keep it up is deeply buried, and it's hard to see through the mumbo jumbo of every day life. I think I just need to see my kids thrive in a simple environment, and then I'll feel better. I'll give it a day, and hopefully that will help me feel motivated to keep it up.


    10 Response(s):

    Kate said...

    Keli! If you EVER want an "I'm adaquate" boost, all you have to is step over to my house. You're doing a great job! I only wish my house was as clean and oraganized as yours or that my kids were as well behaved as yours OR that I took a shower like you everyday....! Keep it up girl ;)

    ClistyB said...

    We didnt watch Conference, thus, no overly sappy blog post about it.

    And my kids don't take piano lessons, and unless somebody dropped a piano on me and offered them free lessons for a year, they probably never will.

    And so I can totally see why you feel inadequate when thinking about me.

    Kylie said...

    Hey Keli! I have been struggling with the SAME thing lately. Feeling overwhelmed, pulled in every direction and that whatever I do isn't good enough. I am working on it though and trying very hard to NOT compare because you're right. The person you're comparing yourself to doesn't exist! We all have our issues. =)

    Miranda said...

    I admire your honestly. I too have the same struggles...but I don't have the courage like you to blog it...wish I could...(another insecurity I deal with...but hey)...I love that "keep it up girl". I would love to hear I say to you in all honesty...KEEP IT UP GIRL...

    DAY said...

    It's all about perspective. When you sense a change from w/in, it's because your perspective has shifted and has to be re-aligned back to that eternal perspective... Not getting caught up in the "here's and nows" and unjustly comparing yourself to others. I've got the perfect quote for ya on my blog..upper left hand side :-) And just in case you need a reminder; you ARE a fighter and can get thru this!

    Kelley Rae said...

    I don't have any advice because I always feel like I fall short in so many ways. If it would help, I could list all the things that I admire about you even though I've only known you a short time. But honestly, you already said it, comparisons are futile and our perceptions are usually always sugar coated. You're awesome!

    Meg & Josh said...

    EVERYONE feels inadequate, and anyone who says they don't are lying to cover up some inadequacy.

    You are a fantastic mom, you have a great sense of humor, you are beautiful, you love unconditionally (I know this because we have the same father) you are an amazing friend, and an even a more amazing sister.

    Don't dwell on the things that you don't do well, dwell on the things you do well, and always try harder.

    Love you sis, you are doing GREAT!

    grannybabs said...

    I'm not sure why women do that so much, but we do.

    And it doesn't do much good for us to say don't do it - as we're quietly thinking "Well, I'm not stressing that today, I must be more together!"

    See what I mean??

    It helps to get older - really, it does. I honestly care about different things now than I did 20 years ago.

    So just hang on!!

    Do you like to read? That's how I "leave" that terrible place you describe.

    I could recommend some books!

    (Try "Bernice Bobs Her Hair" by F. Scott Fitzgerald - it's a short story and you can read the whole thing online. Let me know what you think!)

    Kelli said...

    Can I ditto what Meg said. I definitely feel inadequate in almost every aspect of my life. Most of the things I do I make up as I go.
    We love you for who you are and the great person you are. We love you and miss you but we'll see you next week!

    Laura said...

    This is a great post Keli! I have too been feeling this way lately- and it is so annoying. We shouldnt compare or even care what other people are doing, but we always do then we always feel like we suck. It's so easy to forget the things we rock at and just see how or what we are lacking. A simple stress free life would be so awesome...but some how things always get complicated. Sometimes I think to myself if I watched less tv I would be less influenced to want more and more and more- if that makes sense?