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    Friday, September 05, 2008

    Funky Funk

    Here I sit, adorned in my super sexy sweats, and my "CANCER SUCKS" T-shirt.
    I indulged today in a little retail therapy in an attempt to make myself feel better. I raided Sephora, and scored some seriously crazy mad samples. I made home made pizza, bought an entire bushel of tomatoes, a gazillion other items of produce and cute imported German canning jars, and still I feel the funk setting in.

    I think most of it has to do with the fact that I'm currently watching Stand Up For Cancer on EVERY.SINGLE.CHANNEL.


    And really, it kind of pisses me off.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm all about having a cause. Hell, I still wear my CS T-shirt to the bus stop every morning. I even wore a yellow wristband for a while. But when suddenly you realize the empowerment is all for naught, it seems so, well, naught. Donate your money, people. Please do. But then don't come crying to me when your mom dies anyway.

    Okay, I didn't mean that last part. You can still cry. But doesn't it seem so shallow? Do any of those "celebrities" even know what a real battle is? Have they had their liver shut down? Have they turned ugly shades of yellow? Have they been so weak they can't even lift their heads? I doubt it. So don't give me this literal song and dance and ask for help when not one of them gave a crap about us when our mom was dying.

    I'm done.

    13 Response(s):

    Phoebe said...

    I'm sorry.
    I think it's okay to be in a funk every once in a while, though. If you don't then one day you just might explode!

    Jill Johnson said...

    AMEN!!!! I saw a billboard for a hospital on our way home at the point of the mountain. It said this man is grateful for his life saving whatever. So are his 17 grandkids. Freakin lucky to live until he had 17 grandkids. What about our kids. THIS SUCKS!!

    Amber said...

    I missed you at class this morning and have been thinking about you ever since. I hope tomorrow is better, even just a little bit. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I live SO CLOSE to you!!

    Michelle said...

    Keli, Jill, Meg, Troy and Danny and spouses and kids and???? Should I say more. You all have every reason to be in a funky funk. I think it is a great thing that the celebrities are doing "what they can to put a stop to cancer", but I still think the whole cancer thing is political to a point. If there were a cure to cancer what would happen to all the doctors jobs, all the hospitals that help these people with cancer? That is my thought. I use to get so mad after my Dad died when I would hear about a celebrity who lost someone to cancer or had cancer and they would talk about how great that person was, well they didn't know who my Dad was, his picture wasn't plastered all over the news. I can totally understand your frustration. And that funky feeling just doesn't go away. It is o.k. and normal to be mad. I was told that it was totally normal to be really P****** off! And I have really had my moments. So don't feel bad for your feelings. And Jill I know what billboard you are talking about. We drive down to Kris's mom's house all the time in Alpine and I have seen that billboard so many times, and I think well that is great but what about my Dad he won't be able to be at any of Zach's football games or be there any more for Malorie when she is in the hospital. That is a part of my anger. I really love you guys and think of you every day!
    Love, Michelle Muhlestein

    Laryl said...

    I'm so on board with you! My bro and sis-in-law have been going thru chemo/steroids/chemo/steroids/chemo/steroids....for over three years now with their son who has cancer. My sis-in-law told me that someone called her to donate money for "kids battling cancer". When she said.."Oh, thats child has cancer and no-one has ever offered me a dime". The woman asked her again if she would donate..and when she said "no", she actually had the audacity to tell my sis-in-law that it was for a good cause, and she would regret it.

    I think all of the cancer awareness "stuff" is great...but to see someone you love suffer is different!
    Hang in there!

    Laura said...

    I'm sorry Keli. That is annoying and I am totally with you. You wallow all you need. Make sure you sleep in really late tomorrow morning too. Sean can be mr. mom.

    Kelli said...

    This sucks! From Friday Fun to the Funky Funk...that is how every day is. We have our good or ok times to the not-ok-times.

    Bytheway, how was your pizza? Yummm
    Eat some leftovers of me today!

    Larissa said...

    I'm in a super funky funk too. But, for different reasons! Basically life just plain sucks! I'm so sick of the constant bad news. Sure wish you were here so we could all go together and cry and drown our pie, of course!!!

    Anonymous said...

    This is the moment your life changes. I would run to the cemetery in my pajamas
    at anytime. I lost 30 pounds In 6 weeks after dad passed.

    I still get upset when I see an older couple holding hands and walking down the sidewalk or mall, and yeah, it ticks me off....Dad did not get to do that enough, he was too young.

    So, what do we with do this misplaced anger? My best answer is that we do what we can to help each other heal.

    Love, Georgette Vent Butterfied

    Nurse Heidi said...

    Sometimes life sucks. It took me a long time to feel like I could really be happy again after my sister and my baby died. Getting through the first year was the worst. We're about to have our first every sisters n' mom getaway, and there will be one very empty place there. Vent away, friend, vent away.

    grannybabs said...

    You don't need my permission to vent - but I will give it anyway.

    I have had a year of loss - not a close family member but many people who had crossed my path in life - and they had a special spot - and now those spots are empty.

    That is nothing like your loss - but it has caused me to reflect on the nature of loss - and to try to be more "in the moment" so that I won't feel like I've wasted time.

    Does this make sense?

    You are still in my prayers.

    SuperGabers - The Mom said...

    Be pissed. Swear a bit. Shed some tears. Then wipe the snot off your face and know we all love you. If we could physically take any of your pain we would. Instead, keep blogging your feelings, and we will continue to support, listen, and love you.

    I have never lost anyone very close to me, Keli, but I know the healing process for death does take some time. Some days will suck ass. Some days will seem better. Hang in there love.

    Rachel Bingham said...

    Keli, I'm sorry. I don't have any other words to say..except that you are entitled to feel how ever you do!