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    Tuesday, May 20, 2008

    The Guilties

    Guilt. I hate that word. More than hating the word, I hate the feeling of the Guilties. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone gets it, and I don't know anyone that likes it. But I've made a resolution. I am no longer going to feel guilty for being the way I am. And I think the best way for me to exercise my renewal of freedom from the Guilties, is to write it out. Plain and simple. Things I will no longer feel guilty about.

    Bullets!

    • Not being thin enough.
    • Not being pretty enough.
    • Not having a perfectly clean house.
    • Not buying my kids everything they want.
    • Not going to church every week.
    • Having friends that are not Mormons.
    • Preferring to spend time with my family than with the Ward.
    • Using an occasional colorful word to enhance my point.
    • Letting my kids eat candy, and preservatives, and watch TV.
    • Being myself, and all that it encompasses.
    I've been having an inner turmoil since we moved here. I have been finding out who I really am inside. And you know what? I kinda like me. I'm pretty cool. I would be friends with me if I wasn't me. I am fully aware that I may not be a spiritual person, or one who sees beauty in every day life, or even one who looks for those things, but I have my ways of staying happy and seeing what fulfills me. I also understand that what and who I am today is not who I will always be, but merely a beginning to what I can become. But I have to do the things that feel right to me. And it's not always the easiest thing. But it's who I am. I am me. And gosh darn it, I like me!

    11 Response(s):

    SuperGabers - The Mom said...

    We love you Keli! You totally kick ass, damn it!

    However...

    I disagree with bullet #2... I think you are very pretty. I LOVE your nose and you have killer eyes...

    SO THERE!

    Nunn said...

    Well, gosh darn it, I like you, too. I always have and not just because I'm your Mom. Sometimes in our lives we need to have a re-awakening and just examine where we are in our lives. And most important, we need to like ourselves and know that other people can't make us happy. We can only make ourselves happy.
    Good for you for not getting to be 60 before you realized all those things.

    amy k said...

    Girl!!!! Have of those things you honestly shouldn't feel guilty about.
    1- You are gorgeous!
    2- If you had a perfectly clean house you would have to be guilty about ignoring your kids to keep it clean all the time.
    3- Read Good, better, best. Your family should be first before anything. And if it isn't good for you family, it's not the best option. Betsy taught me a whole new meaning on this one.
    4-You can and should have any kind of friends. If you limited yourself to just "mormons" it would show your true "utah" upbringing : )
    5- Colorful words are just that...colorful.
    6- You are a great person and we miss being able to see you when we were in town! I wouldn't like you if you were anybody else.

    amy k said...

    Oops, typo in that last comment. Should have been half and not have. DUH!!!! Sorry, not my day today.

    Kelli said...

    Are we supposed to feel guilty for those things. My house is always a mess. My kids eat what they want and watch tv.

    I have always looked up to you for being who you are. You are yourself and I admire that.

    Love ya

    Phoebe said...

    Never feel guilty for having friends that aren't Mormon. Why do you think people end up joining the Church?

    I agree, though, it is nice to let the guilt free. Way to go!

    Jill Johnson said...

    Wow! This is quite serious for you! We are sisters! It has been that kind of a week for me too. I really don't agree with those first3 bullets. Your house is always clean, and you have the best hair in the world (again wondering if we are sisters). I think you are perfectly thin. You wouldn't be Keli if you were any different. I love you!

    Larissa said...

    I like me! Oh, I mean I like you!!! Actually, I have loved getting to know you better through blogging. I think you're awesome and inspiring. I am not going to feel the guilties either. It's time to stop being mean to ourselves. At least that's what my therapist says. Hee hee!

    I remember those days when we first moved to Iowa. Such a crazy time with so many emotions. I really changed so much. Email me if you ever want to chat. I think you will enjoy living in the mission field. It's a good thing!

    Keli said...

    Let me splain.

    I wasn't compliment fishing, but a sincere thank you to all of you.

    I'm just tired of hearing women around me complain about things they "should" or "shouldn't" be doing. Get over it. Please, for all of us, just get over it. If it bothers you that much, then do it or don't and move on. But don't continue feeling guilty, and then not changing your ways. Plus, it rubs off on me, and then I start second guessing my choices. I hate that.

    So all you wonderful women, be proud of who you are, and how much you do every.single.day, and don't waste time stressing over what could be.

    Thank you. That is all.

    I think.

    Meg said...

    Keli, you are the shit! Whoever doesn't like you, or makes you feel guilty, obviously has no taste at all.

    SuperGabers - The Mom said...

    In that case, Keli, I take mine all back...